I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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