Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
