I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
