STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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