I could have mohawked her pubes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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