we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
