Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
