Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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