My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
