I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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