can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
