i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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