sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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