he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
