What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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