i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you win again, gameday.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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