It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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