I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
