My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
