I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
