she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My ass is underappreciated
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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