I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
