1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
