mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
