laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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