On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
