Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
