Your dad touched me again.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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