You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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