yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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