just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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