Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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