I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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