I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
