whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
