Don't make out with my wife yet
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
