Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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