Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
