We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
