whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
3 2 1 whiskey
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
