I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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