I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
