what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
