So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
