I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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