do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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