Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
