This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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