why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
