How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
