Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
