Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
