I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
