He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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