its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
