LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
