She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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