So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
