Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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