craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
