I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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