I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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