Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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