Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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