Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
