I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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